Public Relations 101 from Sony

Here's a quick guide on how to land a top job in PR at Sony:

1) Ignore your customers: If people are saying that they feel second rate when you release a console in waves starting with Japan and then America, followed last by Europe. Ignore them. What do they know? They're not trying to launch a doomed format. The best bet would be to cut your losses in Europe because they all speak different languages and include the French.

2) Lie. Constantly. If you're competitor has achieved a world wide launch, say you'll do the same but then later change your mind and get the relevant people to say they're "disappointed".

4) Copy your opponents. Your opponents come up with a better idea than you? Well rip it off without even trying to do something original yourself. Entitlements plus gyroscopes equals big profits.

5) Totally ignore European events. They have the worlds biggest gaming event these days now E3 is changing in the form of Leipzig but that doesn't matter because the Germans organised it and they were rubbish Allies in World War Two.

6) Over price the console and then tell people it's because it's good. Well, it worked for Stella Artois...

7) Ignore the developers. They don't need software that's easy to program with! They get paid for fucks sake.

8) Employ a good rendering company. (See no. 2 and no. 9)

9) Remember to lie.

10) If you're ever asked "Who's the greatest man in Gaming History?" say Ken Katuragi, it is actually part of your contract to say this and saying anyone else could lead to dismissal.